Day 11

At the opening of 2011, if anyone had told me I would change jobs, move twice, end up single again, and live with my mother all by July 10th, I'd have laughed hysterically for hours. Well, here it is July 21st, I've switched jobs, moved twice, am single and have been living with my mother again since July 10th ... and I'm nowhere near laughter.

The change of job and initial move were planned. Moving just two and a half months later, finding myself out of a relationship that I thought was forever and living with my mother and step-dad all became my new reality within a 15 minute period. To say I'm still reeling from abrupt end to life as I had come to know it is putting it mildly.

Seriously, I'm feeling a lot like FML at the moment.

I'm almost 40 for god-sake, nobody told me I'd be starting over ... like HARD BOOTING my life again! I had figured, or at least hoped that after surviving three rape trials in four years, finally getting divorced after a disastrous 12 year marriage, dating an abusive alcoholic, selling my home, working two jobs while going to school for a degree while raising my two sons that I'd finally found my forever guy. Turns out, much to everyone's surprise, he's selfish, immature, dishonest and worst of all, capable of spewing degrading, disrespectful and vile things out of anger. Fifteen minutes into July 10th the relationship I thought was "the one", all the memories and love were buried by hateful words spoken freely in front of my sons, ending with the three of us homeless for the first time in our lives.

Of course, our homelessness is more a technicality since my family and friends would never allow us to experience the true nature of that predicament. So, my sons and I are guests in my parents' home, and we are beyond thankful for their love, support and generosity.

I'd be less than truthful if I said I'm in no rush to leave, however. And I'd be an outright liar if I said I'm doing fine.

Tonight ends the first day since life as I knew it ended that I've had no contact whatsoever with the guy who was supposed to love me more than anyone had or ever would, and ended up hurting me so much greater than anyone ever has before. It's the first time in over a year and a half that we've not texted or talked. Even though he caused me more pain than I ever imagined he could, I miss him.

Day 11...what a long road it is that lies ahead.